I can't help.

Just because you're crazy about him and you'll never love quite the same again, doesn't mean he's the best for you. Yeah, you got it right. But there is just something about him that keeps holding me back whenever I want to let it go. If only life hadn't been so harsh and made things end the way they did, things might be better, a lot better I shall say. Remember when you were smaller, and you just seem to love everybody, I mean every cute guys you met. It's not really like that once you get older. I love him not because he's one of the kind of boy that every girls want. I admit I fell for him at the first sight I met him at the stairs. But I wouldn't fell so much deeper if we didn't share any moments together. I really miss all those times that we will sms throughout the day, the times we would talk on the phone for hours, the times when he looked at me and that's when I know at that moment I crossed his mind, the times when he held me tightly in his arms, the times when we kissed, the times when we shared our problems, the times when he purposely wake up early to give me a wake up call, the times he would come early to college just to meet me, the times when we laughed at each other, the times we had bed fighting, all the beautiful memories we once had together and the memories that he will never remember. I will always remember the first and the last movie we caught together, The Golden Compass. And I will definitely remember all those times he hurt me badly. The day when he can let go of everything. The day when he can just break my heart, leaving me alone. There are times when I think I just hate him to the core, or how he always want to win those stupid fights, no matter how rude he was, I can't help but think about him. There is just no control over that feeling you get when he looks at you in that certain way, just something about him that drives you crazy, and even over his stupidest laugh, you will still say that you're madly in love with him. I want him back, but in the same time, I would rather let things fade day by day cos I knew he will hurt me over and over again.

Please don't be worry about me, I'm fine, just a feel of sudden to rant all those shits about him. Trust me when I say I'm okay.